It’s Lachlan Brown here, founder of Hack Spirit. In my line of work, I’ve interacted with men from all walks of life.
Some appear tough as nails on the surface, but I’ve learned that real strength isn’t about brute force or a gruff exterior.
Mental strength, now that’s a different game altogether. It’s not always apparent and it certainly doesn’t always come packaged in bulging biceps or a booming voice.
In fact, beneath the veneer of toughness, you might discover subtle behaviors that reveal a man is mentally weak—no matter how tough he acts.
It’s these small signs that can tell you more about a person’s resilience, their balance and their understanding of themselves and others.
In this article, we’ll take a look at eight subtle behaviors that can indicate mental weakness in a man, even if he puts on a tough act.
Don’t worry, it’s not about criticizing or belittling anyone—it’s about fostering awareness for personal growth and meaningful connections. Ready to dive in?
1) Overcompensating
A common sign of mental weakness is overcompensation.
You see, when a man feels insecure about himself, he might try to act tough or exaggerate his abilities. This behavior is a defensive mechanism, an attempt to hide his perceived inadequacies.
However, this over-the-top display often reveals more about his insecurities than it does about his strengths.
It’s like a neon sign flashing “I’m trying too hard” and it can be quite telling.
For instance, a man who constantly brags about his accomplishments or tries to dominate every conversation might be overcompensating for feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt.
This behavior not only pushes people away but also prevents him from truly connecting with others on a meaningful level.
It hinders personal growth and fosters a false sense of self, which ultimately leads to stagnation rather than progress.
An emotionally strong man doesn’t need to prove his toughness or worth to others. He understands that real strength comes from inside and is not contingent on the approval of others.
His actions speak louder than words, and he doesn’t need to hide behind an exaggerated persona.
Recognizing this behavior in oneself or others is the first step towards cultivating mental strength and fostering deeper self-awareness.
2) Avoiding difficult conversations
Another behavior that may indicate mental weakness is the avoidance of difficult conversations or confrontations.
This can be a clear sign of fear or discomfort in dealing with challenging situations.
It might be a disagreement with a colleague, a difficult conversation with a loved one or addressing an issue that has been causing tension.
A man who avoids these types of discussions often does so out of fear of conflict or rejection. He might worry about saying the wrong thing, hurting someone’s feelings, or creating more tension.
Unfortunately, this avoidance can lead to unresolved issues and contribute to a lack of personal growth.
It can also strain relationships and prevent open and honest communication.
On the other hand, a mentally strong man understands that difficult conversations are a part of life.
He doesn’t shy away from them, but rather approaches them with courage, understanding, and respect for the other person’s perspective.
This approach not only helps to resolve issues but also fosters stronger, healthier relationships.
3) Reliance on external validation
I’ve seen this one quite a bit in my line of work: a man constantly seeking approval or validation from others. This behavior can be a telltale sign of mental weakness.
A man who is continually looking for praise, admiration, or validation from others often lacks self-confidence. He may feel unsure of his own worth and seeks reassurance from external sources.
It’s like he’s saying, “Tell me I’m good enough. Tell me I’m doing the right thing.” And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting appreciation or acknowledgment, a dependency on it can be harmful.
This reliance on external validation can lead to a lack of self-assuredness and an overemphasis on pleasing others, often at the expense of one’s own needs and happiness.
In contrast, a mentally strong man finds validation from within. He is secure in his own worth and doesn’t need constant reassurance from others.
He understands that while feedback can be helpful, his value doesn’t depend on others’ perceptions.
From personal experience, I can tell you that learning to find validation from within is a game changer.
It fosters self-confidence and promotes personal growth, while reducing dependence on others for self-worth.
4) Difficulty with change
Mental toughness, in my experience, is closely tied to adaptability. A man who struggles with change, who resists or fears it, may be revealing a degree of mental weakness.
Change can be unsettling. It disrupts our routines, upsets our expectations, and pushes us out of our comfort zones.
However, life is full of changes—both big and small—and it’s crucial to be able to navigate them with resilience and grace.
A man who struggles with change might resist new ideas or cling to outdated ones. He might avoid taking risks or stepping out of his comfort zone.
This resistance can hold him back in many areas of life—be it personal growth, relationships, or professional success.
In contrast, a mentally tough man embraces change as an opportunity for growth and learning. He’s not afraid to step out of his comfort zone or take on new challenges.
He understands that change is a natural part of life and adapts accordingly.
In my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, I delve deeper into this concept and provide practical strategies for building resilience in the face of change. Because being mentally tough is not about avoiding change, but learning to thrive within it.
5) Constant complaining
This one might surprise you. After all, isn’t venting about our problems a normal part of life? Sure, to an extent. But constant complaining can actually be a subtle sign of mental weakness.
When a man is continually complaining about his circumstances, it often indicates a lack of control or an inability to take responsibility for his own life.
It’s a way of externalizing problems, blaming others or the world at large for his woes.
This behavior can create a negative cycle. The more he complains, the more he reinforces his own sense of helplessness and dissatisfaction.
It’s a trap that can be difficult to escape from.
On the flip side, a mentally strong man acknowledges his problems without dwelling on them excessively. He understands that everyone faces challenges and that complaining won’t solve them.
Instead, he focuses on finding solutions and making positive changes.
In essence, it’s not about ignoring or suppressing problems, but about shifting the focus from the problem itself to potential solutions. It’s this proactive mindset that sets mentally strong men apart.
6) Lack of empathy
Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, is a vital aspect of emotional strength. A lack of empathy can be a subtle indication of mental weakness.
A man who struggles to show empathy may find it difficult to connect with others on a deeper level. He might dismiss or ignore the feelings of others, focusing solely on his own experiences and perspectives.
This lack of empathy can hinder relationships and prevent meaningful connections. It can also stunt personal growth, as it limits the ability to learn from and understand others.
Conversely, a mentally strong man recognizes the importance of empathy in his interactions with others. He listens, understands, and respects the feelings and perspectives of those around him.
In doing so, he not only builds stronger relationships but also fosters his own emotional intelligence and personal growth. Empathy is not a sign of weakness, but rather a testament to emotional strength and maturity.
7) Fear of failure
This one hits close to home for me. Like many of us, I’ve grappled with the fear of failure. It’s a common fear, but if it’s holding a man back from pursuing his goals or trying new things, it can be a sign of mental weakness.
A man who is paralyzed by the fear of failure may avoid taking risks or stepping out of his comfort zone. He might stick to what he knows and avoid new experiences or opportunities.
The problem with this is that it can lead to stagnation. It prevents personal growth and limits potential. It’s a self-imposed barrier that keeps him from reaching his full potential.
On the other hand, a mentally strong man sees failure not as something to be feared but as an opportunity for growth and learning.
He understands that failure is a natural part of life and that it’s often through failing that we learn the most.
Speaking from experience, embracing failure rather than fearing it has been one of the most liberating aspects of my personal journey towards mental toughness.
It’s allowed me to take risks, chase my dreams, and learn from my mistakes along the way.
8) Being overly defensive
The final behavior that can hint at mental weakness is defensiveness.
When a man is overly defensive, he may react negatively to criticism or feedback, often seeing it as a personal attack rather than an opportunity for growth.
This behavior can stem from insecurity or a lack of self-confidence.
Instead of listening to and learning from the feedback, he may shut down or lash out, effectively blocking any chance of self-improvement or learning.
This defensiveness can also strain relationships, as it can create an environment where open communication is difficult.
In contrast, a mentally strong man is able to accept criticism and feedback in stride.
He understands that it’s not always a personal attack, but often an opportunity for self-improvement.
He listens, reflects, and uses it to grow and improve.
Being open to feedback and willing to learn from it is a key aspect of mental toughness.
It’s about being secure enough in yourself to acknowledge your weaknesses and work on them. It’s not always easy, but it’s definitely worth it.
Final thoughts
There we have it—eight subtle behaviors that can reveal mental weakness, even in those who project toughness.
Remember, recognizing these behaviors in ourselves or others isn’t about judgment—it’s about awareness and growth.
Everyone has room for improvement, and understanding these signs can be a stepping stone towards developing more mental strength and resilience.
The journey towards mental toughness isn’t always easy, but it’s definitely worthwhile.
If you found this article insightful and want to delve deeper into the concept of mental toughness, I invite you to check out my book, The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness.
It’s a comprehensive guide that breaks down the art of resilience into practical steps, helping you cultivate mental strength and navigate life’s challenges with grace.
Remember, real strength isn’t just about the physical—it’s also about the mental and emotional.
Be kind to yourself and others, stay open to learning and growth, and keep pushing forward. You’re stronger than you think.
