When someone breezes past you without a word of apology, you feel slighted. When a colleague dismisses your feelings, you know they lack empathy.
Understanding these subtleties is a cornerstone of human interaction.
Yet, some people struggle with this. They often use eight specific phrases without realizing the impact they have. These individuals lack a key ingredient – empathy.
Let’s delve into this further, and perhaps help those who unknowingly cause discomfort to others.
1) “I don’t see why you’re upset.”
Navigating through emotions can feel like finding your way through a maze. Unexpected turns, dead-ends, and sudden surprises are par for the course.
But when you’re dealing with someone who lacks empathy, this maze can feel more like an impenetrable fortress.
Consider the phrase “I don’t see why you’re upset.”
This is a classic example of someone struggling to grasp the complexities of emotions and how they impact others.
They fail to put themselves in your shoes or understand your perspective. Their inability to empathize leaves them puzzled, questioning your emotional response to a situation.
But don’t be disheartened. This lack of understanding doesn’t always stem from callousness. Often, it’s a lack of emotional awareness, a gap in their emotional vocabulary.
The good news? With patience and communication, it’s possible to help them realize the impact of their words.
After all, empathy isn’t an innate trait—we all have the capacity to learn and grow.
2) “You’re being too sensitive.”
Emotions, like colours, are experienced differently by everyone. What may seem like a soft hue of blue to me, may appear as a vibrant turquoise to you.
Similarly, our emotional responses can vary dramatically based on our personal experiences.
I remember a time when I was working on a group project. During a meeting, one of my colleagues bluntly criticized my part of the work without any consideration for how their words might affect me.
When I expressed my discomfort, their response was, “You’re being too sensitive.”
This phrase is commonly used by those who lack empathy. They fail to understand that their words or actions can invoke strong emotions in others.
In their perspective, if they aren’t affected by something, then no one else should be.
It’s important to remember that your feelings are valid and it’s okay to express them. No one else gets to dictate the intensity of your emotions.
After all, sensitivity isn’t a weakness – it’s a sign of emotional intelligence and empathy.
3) “Just get over it.”
“Time heals all wounds” is a common saying, but when it’s used to dismiss someone’s feelings, it becomes a problem.
This is what happens when someone tells you to “Just get over it.”
This phrase is often used by people who lack empathy. They can’t comprehend why someone wouldn’t just move on from a distressing situation or emotion, not realizing that processing feelings isn’t as simple as flipping a switch.
Consider grief, for example. According to a study conducted by the Harvard Medical School, the grieving process can last anywhere from six months to several years. This goes to show that healing takes time and everyone copes with their emotions at their own pace.
Each person’s emotional journey is unique, and it’s crucial to respect that. Empathy involves understanding and acknowledging these differences rather than trying to rush someone through their feelings.
4) “That’s not a big deal.”
We’ve all been there – you’re sharing a problem that’s bothering you, only for someone to respond with “That’s not a big deal.”
This phrase is often used by those who lack empathy. They struggle to understand why something that seems trivial to them can be of significant concern to someone else.
The real issue here isn’t the size of the problem, but the inability to recognize and validate another person’s feelings.
Remember, empathy isn’t about agreeing with someone’s emotions or experiences. It’s about understanding their perspective and showing them that their feelings matter.
So the next time you encounter this phrase, remember that your feelings are your own, and therefore are a big deal to you.
5) “I can’t help you with that.”
It’s hard to hear someone say, “I can’t help you with that.” Especially when you’re in the middle of a crisis and really need a helping hand or a sympathetic ear.
I remember a time when I was struggling to meet a deadline and reached out to a co-worker for assistance. Their response was, “I can’t help you with that.”
This phrase is often used by people who lack empathy. They might not necessarily be unwilling to help, but they struggle to understand why their assistance might make a significant difference to someone else’s situation.
When I heard that response from my co-worker, it wasn’t just the lack of help that stung. It was the absence of empathy, the failure to understand how much stress I was under.
Empathy isn’t just about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. It’s also about extending a hand to help them out, even when it’s not convenient for you.
6) “Why can’t you be more like…?”
Comparison is human nature. We do it all the time, often without even realizing it.
But when someone says, “Why can’t you be more like…?” it takes comparison to a whole new level.
This phrase is frequently used by individuals who lack empathy. They fail to understand that each person is unique, with their own strengths, weaknesses, experiences, and feelings.
What makes this particularly tricky is that the person making the comparison often believes they’re doing you a favor.
They might think they’re giving you a role model to aspire to or a standard to measure up to.
But in reality, these comparisons can make people feel inadequate and misunderstood. Empathy is about accepting people as they are, not expecting them to fit into someone else’s mold.
7) “It’s not that serious.”
Sometimes, a phrase as simple as “It’s not that serious” can carry a heavy weight.
This phrase is often used by people who lack empathy. They struggle to understand why something they perceive as insignificant can evoke strong emotions in others.
What they fail to realize is that what may seem trivial to them might be of great importance to someone else.
Each person’s perspective is shaped by their own experiences and emotions, and what’s insignificant to one may be significant to another.
Empathy isn’t about agreeing with someone’s viewpoint. It’s about understanding and respecting it, even when you don’t share the same perspective.
8) “You’re just overthinking.”
The phrase “You’re just overthinking” is often used by those who lack empathy.
They struggle to comprehend why someone might dwell on specific thoughts or emotions, and chalk it up to overthinking.
What they don’t grasp is that emotions aren’t always logical or straightforward.
They can be messy, overwhelming, and hard to decipher. Telling someone they’re overthinking can feel dismissive and invalidating.
Empathy is about acknowledging these complexities rather than simplifying them. It’s about affirming someone’s feelings instead of minimizing them.
Remember, there’s no such thing as overthinking when it comes to emotions – every feeling deserves recognition and understanding.
Reflections on empathy
If you’ve journeyed with us this far, you’ve likely recognized that empathy or the lack thereof can significantly shape our interactions.
Empathy doesn’t stem from a place of weakness or vulnerability. Rather, it arises from a profound understanding of our place in the broader tapestry of human emotions and experiences.
When someone lacks empathy, it’s not because they’re inherently bad or uncaring. Often, it’s a gap in emotional intelligence, an area they haven’t fully explored or understood yet.
Renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
That’s the power of empathy. It’s more than just understanding someone’s feelings – it’s validating them, acknowledging their importance.
So let’s strive to be more empathetic. Let’s strive to understand and respect the complexities of human emotions. Because when we do, we don’t just become more empathetic – we become better human beings.
